You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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