just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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