Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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