I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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