I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
