These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
