Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
