So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
