So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
