So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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