You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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