Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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