I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
