I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
