just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
