then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
