I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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