If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
