I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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