Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
