Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
