She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
