I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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