If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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