absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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