I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
