The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
