i will never coherently bang her
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
