Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
