i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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