i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
