My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
