Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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