Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We talked him into tasing himself.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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