that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
