...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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