I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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