someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
