And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
