YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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