Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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