i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
