dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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