well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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