I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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