when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
