where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
