Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
