mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
