Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
