Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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